Blessings abound

God is so good! I may not have it all together all the time, and I'm constantly aware of how much more I need to do, or, as I tend to think of it - all that I'm NOT doing. But nonetheless His blessings abound. I guess now the challenge is to recognize them and accept them as they come instead of casting them aside because I may feel like I don't deserve them. Fortunately, over the last few years I've become a lot better in recognizing them.

School in itself is a terribly rigorous program, and yes, the notion of quitting has crossed my mind. At times I feel inadequate... or slow. And then you know how those days come along that give you just enough boost to keep you hanging on after the inevitable recurrent slump until the next victory? Today was one of those days. To speak of it honestly, when I look back on this from years down the road, it won't be that big of a deal. But, today it is the next rung on the ladder, a step that I was scared to climb when looking at it from below.

I led my first discussion group today over a significant journal publication in the literature. I was extremely nervous to do so, and I stayed up until 2 a.m. this morning working on the preparations. How did I do? Pretty well! Well enough to receive a nice complement from two professors. And I didn't do just well enough to get by - I excelled! I had confidence today and the class responded by participating (a huge feat, knowing our class). A fellow classmate commented that I set the tone for the rest of the class when they will lead their own discussions. And I'm reminded that I WILL make a great teacher :-)

Thus is the story of my life as I look back on it: trumpet, high school, college, undergraduate research... I have always excelled... when I least expected it. And I know you understand that I say that in complete humility! I've been nervous to post this because one could interpret it as me bragging. But I'm not. Just when I start believing that I'm not cut out for this, or I'm not good enough to hang with the big guys at this school, my time comes (though it's a small achievement now). And as my confidence in my abilities has been built up in the past by many incredibly positive experiences, I expect the same will happen in the future... and I'm excited to see what happens.

Thanks, God, for your wonderful grace and encouragement in spirit. Thanks for hanging with me today, for being my ultimate source of confidence.

I guess this was my prayer this evening.