Can't sleep
There are many things keeping me awake right now, and it just so happens that most of these have to do with what's been going on lately, so I thought I would take a few of these early-morning minutes to tell you a little about that.
- Vivid dreams
I've been having vivid dreams for about 2 months now. I'm not sure what is the cause, but they are all distressing to some degree. The last 2 nights have been about "The Others" from L O S T chasing me. This is the most distressing it's been. Does that mean they are getting worse? It's okay when Scott is here, but I don't like scary dreams when he is gone. Lucky for me, he is here now. Snoring, but here.
- "For better or worse, in sickness and in health"
Our vows didn't have that exact line, but we meant it anyway... and this was our first chance to practice what we vowed to. Scott got sick last week and was even up all night with a fever at one point. That meant I was up all night too either concerned or grabbing some Tylenol. Then I got sick, and mine won't seem to go away. I missed several days of work. My energy finally returned yesterday, but the sniffles and sneezing are still haunting me. It's hard to sleep when your nostrils clog up again after every blow.
- My job
I don't like graduate school anymore. I have chosen not to talk about it on the blog before now, but I haven't been happy for quite a while, and I'm tired of not being happy. I finally have some ideas about what else to do. I always have trouble with change, and I tend to worry about things. I'm having a hard time seeing how what I really want to do will pay the bills. So naturally I feel responsible to do what will pay the bills. Only that's not what I want to do and may lead to more unhappiness. So which route do I choose? I would like to say that I have the ultimate trust in God to take care of everything, but I am human. I know He will, but it's hard to take the leap of faith.
Side note: It's odd that my current graduate school stipend is enough to pay the bills, but somehow it is. What I want to do requires another bout of schooling (of a different kind), but there is no stipend, and I'm not sure if there is even time to hold a job at all. And before I can even do that, there are so many details to think through. Especially insurance. Mine is free now, and that's hard to find. So I'm left to make less money and spend more at the same time (and probably acquire loans to pay for school - which I also don't have right now).
"God, would you please bless us beyond what we're worth, and somehow give us the money we need?"
It's worth a shot.
So that's a little about what is going on. I'm most concerned about #3, and that is mainly what keeps me up at nights these days. Please be in prayer with me about that. Like I said, I'm so ready to be happy again.
- Vivid dreams
I've been having vivid dreams for about 2 months now. I'm not sure what is the cause, but they are all distressing to some degree. The last 2 nights have been about "The Others" from L O S T chasing me. This is the most distressing it's been. Does that mean they are getting worse? It's okay when Scott is here, but I don't like scary dreams when he is gone. Lucky for me, he is here now. Snoring, but here.
- "For better or worse, in sickness and in health"
Our vows didn't have that exact line, but we meant it anyway... and this was our first chance to practice what we vowed to. Scott got sick last week and was even up all night with a fever at one point. That meant I was up all night too either concerned or grabbing some Tylenol. Then I got sick, and mine won't seem to go away. I missed several days of work. My energy finally returned yesterday, but the sniffles and sneezing are still haunting me. It's hard to sleep when your nostrils clog up again after every blow.
- My job
I don't like graduate school anymore. I have chosen not to talk about it on the blog before now, but I haven't been happy for quite a while, and I'm tired of not being happy. I finally have some ideas about what else to do. I always have trouble with change, and I tend to worry about things. I'm having a hard time seeing how what I really want to do will pay the bills. So naturally I feel responsible to do what will pay the bills. Only that's not what I want to do and may lead to more unhappiness. So which route do I choose? I would like to say that I have the ultimate trust in God to take care of everything, but I am human. I know He will, but it's hard to take the leap of faith.
Side note: It's odd that my current graduate school stipend is enough to pay the bills, but somehow it is. What I want to do requires another bout of schooling (of a different kind), but there is no stipend, and I'm not sure if there is even time to hold a job at all. And before I can even do that, there are so many details to think through. Especially insurance. Mine is free now, and that's hard to find. So I'm left to make less money and spend more at the same time (and probably acquire loans to pay for school - which I also don't have right now).
"God, would you please bless us beyond what we're worth, and somehow give us the money we need?"
It's worth a shot.
So that's a little about what is going on. I'm most concerned about #3, and that is mainly what keeps me up at nights these days. Please be in prayer with me about that. Like I said, I'm so ready to be happy again.
posted by Karen at 10/19/2006 05:41:00 AM
3 Comments:
You've got a lot going on in your life right now. When you first started graduate school, you were single and had an idea what you wanted to do. But our goals in life do change over time, and uncertainty is always part of life.
Ask God for guidance as to what he wants for your life, and ask for concrete guides to help you make good decisions. He won't let you down.
You'll be in my prayers.
Hey Karen,
I'm sorry to hear that you have been losing out on sleep. That is so precious and I know that it is very frustrating when you can't sleep. I tend to not be able to sleep when I am stressed too, maybe it just runs in our family. I tried to watch LOST when it first came out, but I had to stop because it was scaring me. I think that maybe it is the music or something. I will pray for you and your upcoming decisions. It is probably even harder knowing that your decisions now affect someone else. Love ya!
It is no contest. Do what you love. Life is too short to spend it doing what you do not want to do. Or better yet, eat bons bons all day and watch soaps and make Scott pay the bills.
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